10 FUNNY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS TO KEEP 2016 FUN AND INTERESTING
New Year’s resolutions can be so boring, can’t they? Lose weight, get
fit, eat healthy food; where’s the fun in that? Those are the types of
things that we should be doing anyway, not leaving until the New Year.
So, let’s make some resolutions that we are actually likely to keep and
that will make a difference. Here are ten fun resolutions that some
people really ought to be making.
1. Fill your gas tank regularly
Why do so many of us run down the gas tank until we are running on
fumes? We seem to like the excitement of running on empty and wondering
whether or not we are going to make it to the next gas station. Don’t
wait for the red light on the dashboard, fill up your car every week and
fill it up full. You’ll still use exactly the same amount of gas
overall.
2. Stop sending text messages to the person in the next room
Make yourself a New Year’s promise that you will never send a text when
you could actually get up and talk to a person. Stop sending pointless
texts too, like ‘are you here yet’? If they were there, you would see
them, if they aren’t, then you won’t.
3. Buy a plant and, this time, let it live
The next time you buy a house plant, don’t just leave it in a corner to
die. Make it a New Year’s resolution that you will water it, care for it
and give it at least a fair chance of life. You wouldn’t have a pet and
leave it hungry and thirsty, so don’t leave plants to wither and die.
They make the house look more like a home and they improve the air, so
give something back to your plants this year.
4. Stop pulling strange faces on selfies
To all you people who think that looking like a duck, is a must for a
selfie; give the world a break and just smile for a change! Start the
New Year the way you mean to go on and, at the stroke of midnight on New
Year’s Eve, send a selfie where you look almost normal.
5. Never, ever, answer your phone one the bathroom again.
You can’t hide it; the echo in a bathroom always gives the game away, so
make a pledge that you will never answer your phone when you are in the
bathroom again. It doesn’t matter if all you are doing is powdering
your nose, the other person doesn’t know that, and nor will they believe
you, even if you tell them. The images that a bathroom telephone
conversation strikes in one’s head are not always flattering, so wait
until you have finished, and then call them back.
6. Stop picking your nose when you think no one is looking
It’s gross whenever you do it, so get a handkerchief and blow your nose
like your mother taught you to do. If that’s too much of a difficult New
Year’s resolution to stick to, then at least, stop doing it in the car.
Remember, the other motorists are as bored as you are and they are
probably watching your excavations.
7. Come up with some better excuses for staying off work
No one’s going to believe that your great aunt has died, again, so get
more creative with excuses and be a little less obvious. Everyone has
those mornings when they just can’t get out of bed, but your boss knows
that too. They will have heard them all before, so you really should
make a point of trying to come up with something new.
8. Stop blaming other people for your own flatulence
Stop blaming the dog, or poor old granny sat in the corner, for your own
accidental explosions of gas. Either keep calm and ignore it, or own up
and say excuse me. No one believes that you don’t do it, because
everyone does, but blaming it on an innocent person isn’t fair at all
and granny has enough problems of her own to contend with, without
having to take the blame for your little outbursts.
9. Stop walking down the street with your head buried in your phone
The world is actually quite an interesting place, if you look up from
your phone long enough to see it. Go on, you can do it, put the phone in
your pocket while you are walking. You might see something interesting,
and the rest of the world won’t have to keep dodging out of your way.
10. Stop making New Year’s resolutions you aren’t going to keep
If all else fails and you can’t keep to any other resolutions, then stop
making the resolutions! That should be an easy one to keep.
